Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Coping with Panic..

Today has been a tough one. Days like these are thankfully few and far between lately, :) (Praise the Lord!) but when they hit, they have a tendency to hit hard.

 I think the toughest part about coping with Generalized Anxiety and Panic Disorder is that it's really hard to predict when it just might rear its ugly head and completely interrupt your day. That, and the fact that it's really hard to explain to others with out sounding like a crazy person.. 

"Hi. Yeah I can't really hang out today, I  just need to stay home so I don't have any mental break downs in a public setting..so maybe next week when I am not agoraphobic anymore?? Okay yeah, catch you then??" 

Sounds like I'm a creeper! 

 You can really only explain Panic Disorder to about 5% of the population and they would truly know what it is that you are talking about. The rest well, just don't. 

Thank God for the people in my life that stick by me even though they don't necessarily understand this challenge I face. 

Today, I had all the intentions in the world to be a mom who had her A game on, for my daughter, for my husband, and most importantly for the Lord.

Thankfully I did get a couple things scratched off of my to do list like dinner and grocery shopping.. (surviving a major panic attack in Target, fun times..)

 Now that list of to do's are being put on hold, and you can find me
 laying in bed seeking God, writing this blog, & looking for answers. Will my life continue to be interrupted by these psychosomatic symptoms, that at times can just stop me in my pursuits filled with great intention? Other questions like: What is it exactly that is the root of this issue? What in my subconscious brings on these episodes of panic, when I don't seem to be thinking of anything that you could classify as problematic?

 I make every effort to take my thoughts captive making them obedient to the word of God. I try to think on the stuff Phil. 4:8 speaks of (look it up it's a good one).

Other questions include: Am I dying? Because these attacks feel like I can't breathe and my heart might just beat out of my chest at any given moment..

Sorry this post is kind of umm on the depressing side, and paints the picture of a victim. To me, writing and sharing this is a free form of therapy. It gets my thoughts out instead of allowing them to fester themselves deeper in my head amplifying the problem at hand.

I would like to ask though, if there is any of you who experience something similar, if you happen to feel led, please share! I would love to hear from you! 

I am full of hope! I know I serve a God who has set me free from the power of fear and anxiety. Just waiting for that to manifest itself in the natural is at times a real challenge.


Monday, February 20, 2012


So I just realized that I have been neglecting to post more personal pics! What's up with all that nonsense? 


Here is a glimpse of the past weekend.. Mainly starring Princess Joya, because lets be honest here..she is the star around this little blog!! 

Picture 1: Joya doing her signature pose all dressed up!
Picture 2: Joya and her cute cousin Audrey helping her hold herself together in her Royal attire.
Picture 3: Family self portrait at its finest..
Picture 3: The best date night dessert a girl could dream for. Gelato at Frost ;)

How was your weekend?

Monday, February 13, 2012

why i blog.

So you have a blog? Cool. What, so you like post pictures online and stuff? Write about your recent trip to California. That's awesome. Sweet. 

I've had this conversation numerous times. I usually just smile and nod. I mean, I like taking and uploading pictures & telling people about my trips with the rest of them,


This little blog has been going on for over a year now, and I hope that with its existence you have maybe experienced with me something more than little pictures & all that jazz. 

My vision and my hope for this particular blog is to get you to laugh and enjoy where you are right now. Regardless of your circumstances, amongst all the chaos of life in its imperfect state, and in your imperfect state. Finding the beauty in that.

I want this to be a place where you can come knowing you are not alone in your mommy imperfections. I hope that in your day full of dishes piled up, screaming kids, smelly hair and burnt dinners that you could maybe, just maybe laugh at yourself. --I make fun of myself ALL. THE. TIME. and I find that these little imperfections and mishaps (that occur quite frequently) are simply, part of my charm (or so I like to tell myself)..

There is something to be said about being open and allowing yourself to be human. Enjoying where you are, striving to be better all the time. BUT knowing that even if this mom looks/seems way more put together than you and what not.. even she has hard days. Her kids have pooped on her at one point or another too. (JK..but for reals) We are all in this poopy mess of being moms together!

The main way I pray that God is using my blog is by getting us to a place where we can see that no matter what it is that you may be struggling with, God can use you. He can use you right now as you are in this moment. Don't wait till you have it all together, because you never will. (That's just the hard truth my friends)

You have a voice that needs to be heard. Someone needs to hear what you have to say. They need to hear your story. You could be used to set someone free for Gods glory. Think about it. It's pretty amazing stuff.

So...That is, mainly why I blog.

To show that your value remains infinite no matter where you are or no matter how messy your life is. Let your pain,& imperfections humble you so you can minister to others. This is what the word speaks of when it says- What the enemy means for harm God can turn around for His glory.

The enemy wants you to remain silent. He wants you ashamed of yourself. Jesus, wants you to know that you are redeemed and justified by Him alone. HIM. ALONE. How you fall short is null and void. Christ has spoken on your behalf. Truly knowing this WILL break the cycle of sin in your life. SHAME will keep you bound to sin. That's why the word says there is NOW NO condemnation in Christ. This will set the captives free.

Its powerful stuff. 

You are beyond valuable, never let anyone LIE to you and tell you different. Messy life and all, you are chosen to make a difference!


Monday, February 6, 2012

21 day challenge..

One of my new favorite bloggers, (Summer at Le Musings of Moi) sparked this grand idea.

I am so guilty of saying- I should really do this, or that and then a few days later my compulsive nature tosses that goal right out the window. Most of you can relate, am I right?

I figured if I vowed on my little blog here I would be more apt to, you know to follow through with said goal. 

February 5th marks day 1 of 21 to give up Starbucks. I know, I know, my last blog was an ode to the place, but nevertheless my bank account will thank me (and in turn so will my husband.) SO here is to 21 days of sacrifice that will be well worth it.

I would say on average I spend 5 bucks a day at sbux. So I will have saved 105 dollars in 21 days.

Okay now I wanna challenge you to bite the bullet, and give something up for the next 21 days. What's it going to be? You can surely sacrifice anything for 21 days!

Let's do this.